When the Bully is Your Boss: The Guide to Defeating the Bully

If you thought that a bully was just found in the school yard or at the playground, then think again. Have you ever been harassed by your boss or bullied by him or her to the point where you get a knot in your stomach ever time you see them? Then this article is for you. From the Diva's perspective, always remember that emotional and mental bullying does indeed exist on every job in the nation. It can be just as effective as the physical. Remember the phrase, "words hit harder than a fist." This is a very true statement indeed. During your next job interview, one of the first questions you should always ask the interviewer is "What policies and procedures are currently in place with regards to harassment whether the person is my direct supervisor or other co-workers (i.e. sexual or bullying or inappropriate statements). Whenever there is someone that you report to on your job who thinks everything you do is wrong or "not good enough" (this should sound familiar), just remember, a boss who is a bully to you is bringing out their own insecurities on you. The first step is don't expect him or her to change his or her ways about the way they speak to you or the way they treat you because they will never change. I think that our angelic icon, Michael Jackson, said it best "If you want to make the world a better place, take look at yourself and make the change." Since we spend the majority of our time on the job then your world also includes your work environment. It is best to make the change in yourself and how you see yourself. There are some people in administrative roles who are excellent in how they delegate responsibilities among their staff members. An effective administrator has an objective and a goal on how to make the company or deparment better with regard to the services they provide. This is an administrator who is a true leader in his or her company or deparment.
An ineffective administrator solely concentrates on how many people they can terminate and harass, and bully in a matter of a week without providing any resources to help them along with their job performances. This is the type of boss to which no one wants to have. Think about this question. Think back or even think about your boss now. Does he or she make irrational decisions that have no rhyme, rationale, or reason behind it? When they make their decisions, does their interpretation of 1 +1 = 5? When it comes to your job evaluation, do they base it on a subjective perspective rather than an objective perspective? For instance, if you were given the job of the maintenance person who is responsible for cleaning up the building, then does your boss make you complete extensive reports which has nothing to do with your job description. It seems as though that some administrators just inform you of what to do just because they have a "title." Sound familiar? If you have this type of boss that you have to see day in and day out, then you don't have someone who is an effective leader. What you have is a dictator. Wasn't Hitler enough? As the employee, you have the right from birth to go anywhere you please to feel at ease and comfortable. No one, regardless of their status in any company, public sector, or private sector, has the right to harass you or bully you. From an administrator's perspective, people should only lead by example, and not by their titles or status. Do you agree? Even though I have said this, it is always said, but rarely practiced.

Here are some ways to spot a boss who is a bully. (Keep in mind that female bosses can be bullies too!)
1. They never have anything good to say about your work ethic.
2. They focus more on what you do wrong rather than what you do right. (Studies have shown that 90% of employees are performing at a satisfactory rate or better in their current jobs).
3. They evaluate you based on their personal biases of you instead of your tasks.
4. They use manipulation towards your other co-workers to turn them against you.
5. They deliberately do not inform you of meetings in order to make you look like the "slacker."
6.They bring out their own insecurities on you and your work ethic.
7. They don't allow you to be self-sufficient. ( I thought that any new position was suppose to help you grow)
8. When they are angry and upset, they do whatever they can to bring you down to their level. (Remember, "Misery loves Company.")
9. They do all of the talking at meetings that have nothing to do with you.
10. They use their status power as a means of struggle for the employees (Ever have a boss hold your check just because they know that they can).
11. They have a problem with you out dressing them. Have you ever have a bully boss give you the elevator eyes when you have on something to which they thought that you cannot afford based on your position?
12. They have no problems letting you know that they are the "HNIC."

I am proud to say that out of all of the bosses I have had over the years that these were the bosses that I learned the best valuable lesson from. I learned not to be like them. With every job that you will have, God will always make sure that you meet these type of bosses. God wants you to be better and more effective on how you will delegate tasks to your employees when you get that piece of the pie like The Jeffersons.

Most people want to seek vengenance on the boss who bullies us on a consistent basis. However, we should all know that violence is never the answer to that. When I counsel my clients about their measurement of success, I always inform them that success is not measured on how many college degrees you have accumulated, or your six figure salary, or your Mercedes, or your name brand clothes, or the amount of maids and butlers you have in your huge mansions. Your success is measured on how grateful you are for waking up every morning and seeing how good God really is to you and your family.

The next day when you go to work you can let your boss who bullies you know that you have a beautiful light and love of energy can never be touched or cut down. However, you don't have to say it by mouth. By just remaining silent and poised and professionally direct with effective communication is the key to the revenge. You see, since your bully boss does not know how to effectively communicate, then you show them how to be without any class instruction. You see, you are probably the person in your company who always has this ray of light that surrounds you everyday. You are very calm about situations and laid back about everything. There is nothing wrong with being laid back about anything. As a spiritual coach and consultant, I would rather be laid back and calm than get gray hair by the time I am 40.

Some bosses who are bullies see a laid back and calm demeanor as intimidating because they don't know how to exhibit that type of behavior. That's why they pick on you. Here is another tip for you. The next time your boss begins to bully you the intelligent thing to do is look them directly in the eye and smile at them. As in the animal kingdom, the predator never likes when the prey gives them direct eye contact. Direct eye contact is a sign of strength on behalf of the prey. Your smile is not to cover up your tears from their harsh words. Your smile is to show them that you know more about their insecurities and self esteem issues than they do.