How Black Men in the Celebrity World are Like Milk Cartons

In my opinion, I think that most of the Black Men in the celebrity world are displayed by the media like milk cartons. You see, Black men in the celebrity world, which includes professional ball players with the $100 million dollar slave document, (oops I mean contract), are like milk cartons. They are like milk cartons because these wonderful talented Black male celebrities all had an expiration date in Hollywood. When their time is up their time is up. They are either tossed away, ostracized, isolated, or maybe even murdered. Since Black men have always been considered a threat from the time they were dragged from the native homeland and stripped of their manhood during slavery, they have been the target of most of the controversial scandals in the United States either through the corporate world or the celebrity world.

It is amazing to see what happens to Black male celebrities when they begin to become economically and politically conscious about what is going on in their Hollywood world. Just take a look at the Black male celebrities they I have included in this blog and tell me what you think. Have they expired like milk from a carton? For instance, let's take a look at Michael Jackson. I noticed that when Michael began to wake up from sleepwalking in a world of fame, fortune, and greed, he was falsely accused of child molestation. Also, when he began to discuss the political, racial, and economic gain from distorted record companies (Sony for example), the media began to attack him. In addition, when he attended conferences with the Rev. Al Sharpton and Rev. Jesse Jackson (public enemies number one in America), the media began to chew and eat him alive. As a result of this, my assumption is that someone in his entourage led to his unfortunate death and the world, especially the African-American community, lost one of its greatest entertainers in the world. Think about it. He was another Black man under attack because he decided to speak. His expiration date occurred on June 25, 2009.

Here is another one, Michael Vick. We all know that Michael Vick was wrong for the physical abuse of the animals. As a mother, I don't believe in the abuse of any human or any animal under any circumstances. As a result of his irrational and immoral actions with these animals, he lost his slave documents, oops I mean his multi-million dollar contract. I have to admit, the things that the media portray Michael Vick to be was worst than what any child molester or murderer would suffer. In the aftermath of the controversy, Michael Vick publicly apologized for what he did. Even though he apologized and show remorse for what happened, he is still the most hated man in America. Are you serious? His expiration date occurred in 2009. How about Kobe Bryant. Okay, Kobe Bryant was falsely accused of raping a woman in the hotel room. After the case, it was proven that Kobe did not rape this woman. I am not justifying his cheating ways nor am I excusing it. No one should be excused from cheating on their spouse, but come on, he lost his endorsements. It's funny because the heir to the Max Factor empire drugged many women and raped them. I guess you can figure that he did not lose anything. What was Kobe's expiration date?

Let's look at Kayne West. Okay, he openly stated his love for Beyonce's videos and performances by interrupting Taylor Swift's acceptance speech. Okay, Kayne West should not have said what he said, but come on, he wasn't at the Grammys even though he, like Michael Vick, apologized for what happened. However, when musician Jon Mayer publicly announced his distaste for Black women and stated that he gained his "Nigger pass" with Jay-Z, it was totally ignored. Jon Mayer was not ostractized nor isolated from the celebrity community. Isn't that something? Well, Jon Mayer did not expire, but Kayne West did. Now we have Tiger Woods. We will see how long he will be around in such a sport. Just something to think about. Peace.

New Year's Resolutions and Testimony for 2010

Here are my New Year's testimony and resolutions for 2010:

I have a list of things that the Universe fed through my spiritual life line to think about. After the Universe took a long hard look at my life as a person, woman, and a single mother, He saw that I really needed to create a list of things that He wants for me and what I want and desire for myself. However, before I created the list, I had to make sure that it was coming from my spirit and not my ego. When people create their resolution lists from their ego's, they really need to distinguish between what the Universe says and what their flesh is telling them. Remember, thinking from the ego stands for Easing God Out. For 2010, you want to always let God in and keep Him as close to you as possible. Remember, He is the only force and spirit who loves you unconditionally. You are a "fragment of my God," as Teena Marie said it beautifully in her hit single, "Irons in the Fire." Therefore, for 2010, remember life is not hard and the very things that you blow out of proportion God himself sees as a minute problem. If you know for sure that you are a fragment of God, then you should not have to take your smallest problems and turn them into something huge. 2010 you are always going to win with the Universe on your side. That is my testimony, now below are my resolutions.

1. Begin to set up very strict boundaries with people, regardless of their age, gender, race, and status, who I have allowed to speak to me in inappropriate ways.
2. Enroll into the Doctorate program at Arcadia University.
3. Save more money than 2009.
4. Meditate more and focus on the positive at all times.
5. Take my teacher certification exams and obtain a position in the Cheltenham, Abington, or Philadelphia school district.
6. Increase my revenue and sales with my holistic coaching consultations and product line sales.
7. Create a networking opportunity for single parents looking to make residual incomes.
8. Treat myself to monthly spas, massages, and acupuncture sessions.

Just Forgive Them

When people cheat on one another in relationships, should we forgive and stay with the person knowing that the trust has been broken, or should we just forgive and move on with ourselves. What ever decision you make, make sure you made that decision for yourself. Make sure that decision was not made for the man who cheated on you or the woman who cheated on or even your children. Always ensure that you made the decision for you and you only. In my opinion, when something as devestating as cheating happens in a relationship, just remember the perpetrator only apologizes because they got caught, not for the emotional abuse that they caused. So just remember, it is fine to forgive the person for what they did to you in the relationship. However, there is no "love" law in the Universe that says that you have to stay with them. Forgive and make time for yourself.

The Energy that Speaks

I often hear people complian about the type of people they seem to keep attracting in their lives. Have you ever heard this one? "Why do all of the crazy women keep coming my way?" or "Why is every man I seem to get always abusive or controlling?" Well I seem to have the answer to any man or woman who has come across more than 4 people in their intimate relationships who are categorized as crazy, deranged, abusive, controlling, or just plain bipolar. This may be hard to hear and hard to endure, but most of the people who come into your lives are attracted to the vibration that you give off. I told you this was hard to hear. People have to remember that we are all made of energy and that energy is never created or destroyed it is just transformed from one human being to another. If you are a person who is tired of attracting the same type of person who you know is not the right one for you, the best advice that I can give you is to change your vibration and your energy. Your energy speaks to those people out there who you call "crazy", "controlling", obsessive, etc. For instance, did you know that people are like dogs. This is not to be offensive to anyone, but we are like dogs. As people, we have a very keen sense of smell. We can always sniff out each another's misery, insecurities, low self esteem, low sense of self, and lack of self confidence. Therefore, if you have any of these entities in your energy, in your spirit, or in your vibration, then you will attract that same type of person. You cannot change the person who you attract in your life, you can only change your own vibration. When you change your own vibration by instilling self respect, self love, and self confidence, then you will attract that Ms. Right or Mr. Right. When you vibrate just the opposite from your spirit, you will attract a "Ms. Right Now" or a "Mr. Right Now."

The Best Vaccine for the "Swine Flu"

Hey everyone out there in the world. I have just come up with the perfect solution and vaccination for the swine flu. Actually, there are several injections you can take in order to prevent this "so called time of emergency crisis" from happening to you. Well, one injection is called exercise. Studies have shown that people who are tall, or short, obese or thin should exercise at least three times a week in order to stay focused and to keep the blood circulating throughout the body. Another vaccination that can be used for the people of the United States is called Vitamin C. Any fruit or vegetable with Vitamin C will definitely help to build your immune system in your body. The stronger your immune system the better chance you have with fighting off all sorts of colds and this so called swine flu. You see vitamin C can be attained through eating a sufficient amount of citric fruits, mangoes, broccoli, red or green peppers, even eating an occasional slice of tomato will do the trick. Even the FDA recommends that people should have 60 mg of Vitamin C a day. Another vaccination that could be used is eating enough green leafy vegetables. Whenever someone gets sick, it is just an accumulation of germs and toxins in the body which are built over a period of time. Other more natural vaccinations include meditation, yoga, Pilate's, relaxation, plenty of water, and plenty of rest.

I was listening to the radio today and I heard about the United States of America is in a state of emergency. The government, being the bully that it is, has once again instilled fear in most of the people around the world. Now they say to get a flu shot in order to prevent this illness from happening. Say what are they serious? When has the government ever been concerned about its citizens. You see what happened in Africa with the whole AIDS and HIV epidemic. Here is a question for you. When you go to the doctor and they recommend that you have a flu shot, are you more focused on the benefit or so called benefit of the shot, or are you focused on what is in the shot that is going into your body? Be careful about that. Do you recall the true story about the black men who were used as guinea pigs when they were injected with syphilis years ago? People never seem to question about what items and ingredients are in the flu shot. However, Americans will ask a million and one questions about a car that we are about to buy. The actual flu shot contains the flu itself. These medical professionals are only telling you to get the flu shot so that they can prescribe medicine to you so that they can make their money. It is not about your health. It is about the almighty dollar.

If you are going to get a flu shot, that's fine. I would however advise all people to question about the ingredients in the shot prior to the injection. Your body is the most important thing in the world to keep happy and healthy.

PATHOLOGICAL LYING: IS IT A MENTAL ILLNESS OR JUST INSANITY?

From a my personal perspective, any type of compulsive behavior which exhibits a negative response from an external entity is equated to a mental illness. What do you think? Would someone who is a pathological liar fit this description? Is this the basic definition of someone who is a pathological liar in our society? Think about someone who you know or have known to exhibit a compulsive behavior to lie all of the time. As human beings, why do we feel the need to lie to one another whether we know the person or we don't know the person. What causes a human being to lie on a compulsive level? Well, I think that I may have the answer, but you be the judge. Speaking from interviews with clients and speaking from personal experience, I have come to realize that there is a major difference between a compulsive and pathological liar and a person who tells a little white lie. We can all attest to telling a little white lie. A little white lie is a very minor statement that we use at a particular moment. Some people tell little white lies during job interviews.

However, people who lie on a compulsive level have a well thought out, yet unconsciousnes plan to deliberately distort, twist, turn, manipulate, hurt, divide, and conquer a person, a group of people, or a situation. They are so good at what they do they because they can actually make you believe that there is a pink elephant in the room. However, do you know what is one of the best gifts that they have? They are always able to tell if honest people are lying to them. A compulsive liar can always sniff out another. You see, you cannot con a con person. There are times when compulsive liars can be dangerous as well. Have you ever witnessed the behavior to which compulsive liars exhibit when they are confronted with their own lies? It is a sight to see. Speaking from personal experience, it is best to confront them with their lies via phone contact not face to face. Remember, compulsive lying is linked to having a mental illness so be careful. Whenever you catch them in a lie, they seem to play "stuck on stupid" as if you don't know what you are talking about.

However, we must remember that all types of negative behaviors stems from the home environment. People who pathologically lie on a consistent basis are very insecure about themselves and have a very low sense of self and identity. When people have both of these things with themselves, they tend to look for something to identify with. I truly believe that people who pathologically lie are miserable people who are in deep and depressing pain. There are things to which they lack in their lives. When people lack certain things in their lives they will find a way to cope or compensate for what they have lost. Some people may use drugs to cope with pain, or alcohol to cope with pain, or self mutilation. However, others will use pathological lying as a way to cope with pain from their past. You see, compulsive lying is an intentional and deviant behavior from a human being. I think next to spitting on another human being, compulsive lying is the next worst entity to have as a human being. Therefore, is pathological lying linked to a mental illness. The answer is yes. You see, when a person does the same thing over and over again and it results to gaining a negative response from other people, then that is defined as "insanity" or having a mental illness.

Here are some ways to spot someone who compulsively lies on a consistent basis.

1. They never maintain any eye contact.
2. They have a huge problem with people who are honest.
3. They blame the whole world for their problems.
4. They laugh about everything during conversations.
5. They make up stories about everything from how their dog died to how they drove to the bank.
6. They talk about everybody in a negative way. They have nothing good to say about anyone. (Watch out for that)
7. From every story they tell you, they are always the victim.
8. They never take responsibility for any of their actions.
9. They never believe that they are wrong.
10. They use their hands a lot when they talk.
11. They don't have a care for anyone in the world.

In conclusion, since there are rehabs for drug users and alcoholics, there should be rehabilitation centers for people who lie on a compulsive and pathological level, especially if the compulsive lying has escalated to a violent result.

Book Zakia Gates to facilitate workshops about Compulsive Behaviors. Contact 215-247-3898.

When the Bully is Your Boss: The Guide to Defeating the Bully

If you thought that a bully was just found in the school yard or at the playground, then think again. Have you ever been harassed by your boss or bullied by him or her to the point where you get a knot in your stomach ever time you see them? Then this article is for you. From the Diva's perspective, always remember that emotional and mental bullying does indeed exist on every job in the nation. It can be just as effective as the physical. Remember the phrase, "words hit harder than a fist." This is a very true statement indeed. During your next job interview, one of the first questions you should always ask the interviewer is "What policies and procedures are currently in place with regards to harassment whether the person is my direct supervisor or other co-workers (i.e. sexual or bullying or inappropriate statements). Whenever there is someone that you report to on your job who thinks everything you do is wrong or "not good enough" (this should sound familiar), just remember, a boss who is a bully to you is bringing out their own insecurities on you. The first step is don't expect him or her to change his or her ways about the way they speak to you or the way they treat you because they will never change. I think that our angelic icon, Michael Jackson, said it best "If you want to make the world a better place, take look at yourself and make the change." Since we spend the majority of our time on the job then your world also includes your work environment. It is best to make the change in yourself and how you see yourself. There are some people in administrative roles who are excellent in how they delegate responsibilities among their staff members. An effective administrator has an objective and a goal on how to make the company or deparment better with regard to the services they provide. This is an administrator who is a true leader in his or her company or deparment.
An ineffective administrator solely concentrates on how many people they can terminate and harass, and bully in a matter of a week without providing any resources to help them along with their job performances. This is the type of boss to which no one wants to have. Think about this question. Think back or even think about your boss now. Does he or she make irrational decisions that have no rhyme, rationale, or reason behind it? When they make their decisions, does their interpretation of 1 +1 = 5? When it comes to your job evaluation, do they base it on a subjective perspective rather than an objective perspective? For instance, if you were given the job of the maintenance person who is responsible for cleaning up the building, then does your boss make you complete extensive reports which has nothing to do with your job description. It seems as though that some administrators just inform you of what to do just because they have a "title." Sound familiar? If you have this type of boss that you have to see day in and day out, then you don't have someone who is an effective leader. What you have is a dictator. Wasn't Hitler enough? As the employee, you have the right from birth to go anywhere you please to feel at ease and comfortable. No one, regardless of their status in any company, public sector, or private sector, has the right to harass you or bully you. From an administrator's perspective, people should only lead by example, and not by their titles or status. Do you agree? Even though I have said this, it is always said, but rarely practiced.

Here are some ways to spot a boss who is a bully. (Keep in mind that female bosses can be bullies too!)
1. They never have anything good to say about your work ethic.
2. They focus more on what you do wrong rather than what you do right. (Studies have shown that 90% of employees are performing at a satisfactory rate or better in their current jobs).
3. They evaluate you based on their personal biases of you instead of your tasks.
4. They use manipulation towards your other co-workers to turn them against you.
5. They deliberately do not inform you of meetings in order to make you look like the "slacker."
6.They bring out their own insecurities on you and your work ethic.
7. They don't allow you to be self-sufficient. ( I thought that any new position was suppose to help you grow)
8. When they are angry and upset, they do whatever they can to bring you down to their level. (Remember, "Misery loves Company.")
9. They do all of the talking at meetings that have nothing to do with you.
10. They use their status power as a means of struggle for the employees (Ever have a boss hold your check just because they know that they can).
11. They have a problem with you out dressing them. Have you ever have a bully boss give you the elevator eyes when you have on something to which they thought that you cannot afford based on your position?
12. They have no problems letting you know that they are the "HNIC."

I am proud to say that out of all of the bosses I have had over the years that these were the bosses that I learned the best valuable lesson from. I learned not to be like them. With every job that you will have, God will always make sure that you meet these type of bosses. God wants you to be better and more effective on how you will delegate tasks to your employees when you get that piece of the pie like The Jeffersons.

Most people want to seek vengenance on the boss who bullies us on a consistent basis. However, we should all know that violence is never the answer to that. When I counsel my clients about their measurement of success, I always inform them that success is not measured on how many college degrees you have accumulated, or your six figure salary, or your Mercedes, or your name brand clothes, or the amount of maids and butlers you have in your huge mansions. Your success is measured on how grateful you are for waking up every morning and seeing how good God really is to you and your family.

The next day when you go to work you can let your boss who bullies you know that you have a beautiful light and love of energy can never be touched or cut down. However, you don't have to say it by mouth. By just remaining silent and poised and professionally direct with effective communication is the key to the revenge. You see, since your bully boss does not know how to effectively communicate, then you show them how to be without any class instruction. You see, you are probably the person in your company who always has this ray of light that surrounds you everyday. You are very calm about situations and laid back about everything. There is nothing wrong with being laid back about anything. As a spiritual coach and consultant, I would rather be laid back and calm than get gray hair by the time I am 40.

Some bosses who are bullies see a laid back and calm demeanor as intimidating because they don't know how to exhibit that type of behavior. That's why they pick on you. Here is another tip for you. The next time your boss begins to bully you the intelligent thing to do is look them directly in the eye and smile at them. As in the animal kingdom, the predator never likes when the prey gives them direct eye contact. Direct eye contact is a sign of strength on behalf of the prey. Your smile is not to cover up your tears from their harsh words. Your smile is to show them that you know more about their insecurities and self esteem issues than they do.